Negative Reinforcement

by Embering

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00:59
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02:57
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01:26

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released November 23, 2014

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Embering Savannah, Georgia

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Track Name: Lose My Mind
I’m not in the mood to lose my mind. It sure sucks today but I’m so proud of who I am without you. Melody’s claw in my weak side - true love, or so it seems. I’m still bruised by all the pain that you caused me.

Fire falls from your lips, and I must admit that I was unprepared, sentimental and unaware of where I was at the time. And I do recognize there’s not a fire in this heart that ceased without a start.

Fire seeps through my mind, and suddenly this place seems familiar – full of trust for such a killer that wants me back. And I do recognize there’s not a fire in this heart that ceased without a start.

If ignorance is bliss, than I’ve become too wise. If seeing is believing, God, what happened to my eyes? / Where the hell are my eyes? Masochism recognized, but I'm
Track Name: Framed Ambitions
I’m not searching for anyone to love me. There’re certain things you wouldn’t understand. I’m not searching for a friend to talk about, I just want to stand up – I want to stand out.

You sterilize, than everything turns black. You only shut your eyes when you’re stabbing in the back.

Why do your legacies get a crown and a smooth outline? If you’ve planned a thing you’re no friend of mine. I’ve never seen such miniscule desires, I want to run away and set it all on fire.

Why does everybody care so much about looking the part – about writing an anthem for you to grow up with? Why does everybody stare so much? We don’t look the part; we only wrote a song that we could praise the lord with. Why does everybody care? Oh, your legacies they’ve earned an outline; you’re no friend of mine. I will find a home.
Track Name: Ash Wednesday (Get Me Out)
This Ash Wednesday I’ve been wondering how I have got stuck in a hole. Good thing I’m giving up compromise for lent...

Get me out. Get me out of here.

Her heart was just a remedy, and I’m sorry for those lies. But your love is still not what I need, please try some other time. Half way through the race but He’s polishing the start.

Grief seers the drops put in my food; but I feel no regret. And she swears they won’t give up soon – that it’s just our confidence. But through the pain He’s telling me to run – and that feels pretty good.

“Adapt and you’ll feel better soon” was such a bloody lie. But I still tie my tongue right on my shoes, most of the time.

I can’t find time to devise the mess. I’m starting to miss myself. I can’t find time to despise the mess. I’m starting to miss myself.
Track Name: Self Help
Meagan, among searching hearts, stumbled between pews, and sang “Oh, how He loves” to help her make it through. Caught sparks on her feet, joined Pentecostal regimes. She pledged allegiance while she’s satisfied. Can I opt out of this counseling plan? I’ll be searching for a king.

I claim death to the self-help gospel. Rest to the war inside that’s guarding your own neck. I’ve come to see: glorious warfare is what we need if it’s love we seek.

Oh, Ben - ambitious and slick – was climbing the rungs; he praised God for the platform where his songs were sung. The ladder corroded and sent him flat on his back. He raised a finger to the sky cause he’s not satisfied. I opt out of this counseling plan. I’ll be searching for a king.

I claim death to the self-help gospel. Arrest the war inside that’s guarding your own neck. I’ve come to see: glorious warfare is what we need.

We fight from victory – not towards the place where we can be at ease. We fight from victory – not towards the place where we can feel at ease.
Track Name: Sympathy 101
All I know how to do is self-direct– brave these seven seas – they say I’m insensitive, whatever that means.

They say “Speak from your heart”, so I shut my mouth. I’m called belligerent, but still given the crown. But they don’t breed you to understand that side of life; I’d be kicking my heart about now to get in line. They only breed you to let your unbelief shape your theology – which shapes your everything.

Self-correct - Ignore bleeding knees. They say I’m insensitive, whatever that means.
Track Name: Progress
I say 9 months like it’s a cloudy week. You must forgive me; I’m still learning to speak about myself in terms we all understand. The whole time just fades to a blur, and I’m less of a man for giving my all to her from volition and not my heart.

If one thing’s clear it’s that this isn’t progress – taking your tears as my own. Still I fear there will be no way to stop this, when all we want is to breathe without glass in our teeth.

Everything just seems like a chore, but why are butterflies adapting to be something I force – through satellites.

I got your letter last night, I’m thinking I’m proposed to let in sink in, turn around, and make you all my world. I’m gone – far gone. Yellow pages out of order, they still smell like you. I’m wondering how one-sided love would ever preach the truth. I’m gone – far gone.
Track Name: Best Mistake
Something’s bound to break this time. I swear I loved you, and you swear you’re sorry. Can that be it? Trust me when I say that it hurts me just as much. It was a perfect plan with just a little bad luck.

My impulse has become a drag, and you became the best mistake I ever had. We built a world and tore it down. I put my feet on solid ground without you.

My hate dissolved, but so did love. Frozen by the lure of a nostalgic crush. I’m suddenly not so sure that I’ve let you go when I recall the time that we called each other’s heart home.
Another day will go by, but I still won’t react.

There’s nothing more to say to you, love. We built a world and tore it down; the impulse has become a drag. And you became the best mistake that I ever had. I won’t stay with you, love. Your broken heart and my confidence is all I know I have. So please remain the best mistake that I’ll ever have and that’s it.
Track Name: Flipping Coins
I don’t believe in “pots for honor”, none were born to fall away. You will realize you were dead wrong some day. Since day one He worked towards fixing all our shit, instead of filling out heaven’s guest lost.

God just budged from looking at you build a crutch before praying for the news: that you’ve arrived through flipping coins to save your life. I won’t believe it.

There are no plans or callings, they put praises in a box. Since day one He’s worked according to our voice. It’s not love without choice.

I won’t believe in this Calvinist scum. He’s king for a throne, not how much he allows to us. It’s his will that none should die. We screw his plans up every night.
Track Name: Shrapnel, Mirrors, and A Big Brick Wall
Face up, lying on this couch. Your fight just stopped him burning the house down. Fed up - shrapnel in your side - but still you made the most of it – the most of everything.

Be so proud, guarding what you love.

Nineteen, insipid and glad that you surpassed that normal father you thought you had. But I, too, would be breaking every glass that I saw if that mirror in my house still showed my fathers scars.

You’re so proud of your callous to love. You’ve not been the same since then, when...

Shots were fired in your own house. You pave the way for them now.

Face up, lying on this couch. My gut considered tossing the effort out. Fed up that you won’t turn around. Trying to make the most of it – the most of anything.

You’re so proud. Holding on to what?
Track Name: Narrow Minds for Narrow Roads
They say, “We’ve grown up. It justifies living on the impulse – saturated heads. With trash we’ve made our homes.” They say, “We’ve grown up, and your just worshipping opinions – saturated heads. We can’t know his ideals.

I’m thinking, I can’t stand just sitting around. I’m gonna take my conscious outside. Your way of life is pulling me down, it’s gonna take my conscious out.

They say, “We’ve grown up, it justifies anything you want to – saturated heads.” When you have no ideals. They say, “We’ve grown up”. And I’ll be sitting with my virtues, reminding myself: trust, love, and apathy still mean so much to me.

I said, “Cheers to saving yourself the torture” so solemnly – so sad. Now I’ll say “Cheers to saving yourself the torture”, this time, it’s more like laughing my ass off.

I beg to differ and I feel fine.
Track Name: Small Talk
You smile but it seems so fake. Yeah, it’s only small talk and I can’t relate. Are you satisfied by these games? I don’t know you and you don’t care.

This is all so staged; I’ve got nothing in common with anyone these days.